Saturday, February 14, 2009

Goodbye to you.

So, my trip down memory lane, courtesy of BFF's stellar haiku, continues.

She writes:

Breaking up by phone
Ever done that, dear Cha Cha?
Yes! With MY cousin!

Well, yeah.

I was a junior in high school. He lived an hour away. It was not a love connection, but he thought I was just awesome. But, again, he lived an hour away.

So, one night when he called me, I told him something along the lines of "dude, I'm not feeling it." Or something like that. I think we'd been out on two dates. I didn't think it was a big deal.

Fast forward almost a year. BFF and I are at the Iowa State Fair, and her cousin and his friend are hanging out with us at the campground. BFF is reading an issue of Sassy magazine, and evidently zeroed in on some article about breakups.

"Have you ever broken up with someone over the phone?" she asked me.

I gave her the look of death. A silence fell over the group.

BFF and I had evidently not perfected the "volumes with one eyebrow lift" communication we now share. She continued, "I just think it's soooo tacky! I can't imagine ever doing that!"

And ... scene!

So, yeah, I was tacky. But again - he lived an hour away!

I still have the same issues. I need to tell Mr. Date Guy that given his flaketastic behavior, he needn't call me again. Except ... except he did call, and when I called him back, fulling intending to say "Sayanara, sucka!" I was working so hard to keep the conversation moving - moving anywhere - that I just gave up and told him I was tired and got off the phone. It ended up being a 10-minute "I just called to say I called you."


And ... well, I didn't tell you all this, as I got sidetracked, but ... I actually had a blind date last Sunday. He was the son of a coworker of my friend's mom. Got that?

Well, he was very nice. But there is no attraction whatsoever. And he is of the "I'll call her Friday night and if she doesn't answer I'll call again Saturday morning" pattern of communication.

HELP ME. What do I say to these men? I want to be kind, which is the only thing stopping me from being a total bitch and just never returning their calls. I know that's wrong. I'm not totally tacky, no matter what BFF might say.

In other news ... I'm going to prison tomorrow!

Yes. I'm going to a local prison to meet a dachshund who is part of a special program where prisoners train homeless dogs. He is up for adoption, and Foxie Doxie and I are going to do a meet and greet. I am nervous - it's another first date.

"I can't date you; I'm going to prison" is an option for breaking the bad news to the other guys, I suppose.


LaDue & Crew said...

The only real creepy part of the prison is when you hear the doors banging closed behind you- and you realize you couldn't run out if you tried {{{shiver}}}! I volunteered for a while to help youths in prison, so we'd go in there weekly and mentor and do crafts. But when it comes to adults with pets, and kids, tho behind bars, people become a tad "normal" again.

Ok, it's just a few dates. Now if you were BF/ GF for awhile, I'd say on the phone would be tacky. But with no more hours spent together than a few fingers on your hand, a phone "You don't complete me" works for me... If the slight uttering of "bitch" is heard in the background, wear it like a badge and thank God you can get back to the buffet line without missing the good stuff ;o)

itsjustme said...

I think that is the perfect excuse for not dating. I may start using it. I hope you and Foxie like the other dog. That would be awesome for you both.

A. go with the chicken text no thank you.

B. My personal favorite, the email. Although that is tricky if you don't actually have their email.

C. The worst. On the phone. Hi "John, Jake, whoever the hell you are" No, I'm not going to be able to do that. I think I'm going to be very busy for a while, but I'd be happy to call if things ever free up . . . which, of course, they won't" Wait, don't say that last part out loud.

you gotta wonder said...

I've got zero in the way of useful advice, but I love that you're going to prison. My husband is involved in prison ministry and it makes me laugh to tell people (on many a Friday) that my husband is going to prison. ;)

Good luck with the "doggie date."

Unknown said...

How about - 'Even though we have only been out 1 (or 2 or 3) times, you just don't feel the relationship is going anywhere and you don't want to waste their time'. It's better to dash their hopes early on.

Have you ever considered any online dating services like eHarmony or Just wondering. I know several people that have had luck with them.

I hope the prison trip turned in to a match for you and Foxie Doxie.

Anonymous said...

That is a funny story--breaking up is always hard to do. And I love your titles this past week. Making me hum.

Anne said...

The phone may be a bit tacky, but is it worse to go out on another date, have him spend more money on you, then tell him? It's hard to break up, but you've got to do it. You'll feel much better afterwards. Never settle!!! The alternative is to screen your calls from now on, and he'll/they'll get the hint eventually or simply forget to keep calling. Either way, do it NOW!

Happily Married After Doing My Share of Breaking Up

Sara said...

I really wanted the stanza about JS to concern the time the two of you were driving somewhere in your car and he asked, "What do you think about kissing?" and you shut him down by responding, "I don't think we should do it while one of us is driving," but I couldn't get it to fit in a haiku.

It still makes me laugh every time I think of it. Which isn't all that often, I promise, but when I do I laugh all over again. So witty, you!