Monday, July 6, 2009

Welcome to Monday.

It's been a long day. Everybody seems to have a bit of the long-weekend hangover. I know that I was ready to go to bed at 7 tonight. And yet? Yet, it's after 10 and I'm not really sure what I've been doing.

Well, two things, actually.

1. I watched helplessly as Lil' Frankfurter took a dump in my living room. And yes, I did just let it sit there for about 20 minutes.

But why, Cha Cha?

I was busy. I was reading Entertainment Weekly and eating a cupcake with chocolate frosting. Obviously, puppy poo did not fit into this equation. And I was tired.

2. I spoke with my mom about lots of things, including Creepy Stalker Guy. We decided that I should continue to monitor the situation without responding. But then? Then we determined my road to fame and fortune.

It all started out with an off-hand (and, let's be honest, not entirely true ... but not entirely false) comment about Creepy Stalker Guy getting hit by a bus. But, I don't know any bus drivers. So, I'm going to have to start taking public transportation, get to know some bus drivers, and pick an easily influenced driver to seduce. Then, I'm going to have to do some stalking of my own to figure out Creepy Stalker Guy's routine so that my bus driver can run him down and make it look like an accident. And then my driver will probably be investigated for the accident, and maybe under pressure he'll rat me out, and then I'll be all, "I don't even ride the bus. I have a Honda." And there will be a big uproar that will become a rallying cry for the value of public transportation and it will then become a Lifetime Made for TV Movie: Catch the Bus: The Cha Cha Story, starring Kellie Martin as yours truly and Steve Buscemi as Creepy Stalker Guy. And maybe in a total casting coup, Tori Spelling and her husband, Dean Whats-His-Name would play my dating gurus Alice and Jake - which would be a nice tie-in to Tori's creepy dating Lifetime classic, Mother May I Sleep With Danger.

So, I guess I have been really busy tonight.


mel said...

Holy smokes, I would SO watch the Cha Cha Lifetime movie. And not just because I love Steve Buscemi. Because Lifetime movies are like crack...and I'm not fully convinced that the network doesn't emit little crack particles from the screen if you flip over there. Sort of like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the mouthy kid who got shrunk.

Unknown said...

I think your mother is right. I am hoping that the verbal contact is the last attempt on his part - you know, in case you somehow missed his many emails and texts.

Iron Needles said...

Stevie B would make such a good creepy stalker guy.

Also. Monitoring the situation is good, but maybe keeping records might be a good thing, too. If you aren't already.

Just an idea.

Madge said...

great. now i have a face to think of when i read about creepy stalker guy. 'cuz something tells me we are not done hearing about him yet.