Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Doctor? Doctor. Doctah? Doctoooor.

Today I got a call from the doctor.
No, not that doctor. He doesn't have opposable thumbs and isn't sure how to operate a phone.
Sorry, it's the truth.

No, the call was from the office of my lady doctor. I have high cholesterol. Again. Two years ago, it was 232. I got it down to 196. And now? Up to 236.

My blood is evidently not blood at all, but melted butter. Mmm ... butter. So a few days ago when I was all, "I believe in real butter?" Well, perhaps it would have been more fitting for me to be all, "I believe in clogging my arteries as quickly as possible."

What the hell?

Thankfully, the prescription was more fish oil and more exercise, not some random pharmaceutical. But I exercise every day. I am thin-ish. I eat very little red meat. I am a nice person. What the hell am I doing with crazy high cholesterol?

I'll tell you what I'm doing. I went to book club tonight and enjoyed brownies, wine, dips, fruit pizza, and crackers. Oh, and some carrots. But they were merely vessels for the dip. Screw you, HDL, LDL, whatever your name is.

What is it about turning 30 that suddenly means the warranty is up and your body begins to slowly but surely fall apart? I could sort of handle the weird things my skin is doing? But the "I eat Big Macs every day" cholesterol? Are you kidding me?

Perhaps I do subscribe to Lil' Frankfurter's point of view. Everything is better with more toys. His current personal best for his office / my bathroom? Seven toys, two big globs of stuffing, and one pair of my pajamas.

He is thorough.

10 comments:

LaDue & Crew said...

We are HDL/LDL sisters. That's what prompted my diet and exercise routine. Mine was 254. I'm 45, and my 48 yr old brother has already had 2 TIA's. My 44 yr old brother is on cholesterol meds. My dad had his 1st heart attack at 41, and his dad died at 41 of the same. Genetic, ya think? I just thought that diet and exercise would be the better way to go. I've found that fat/ cholesterol is in more than just meat. It's scary where that shit hides. I'll send you some interesting stuff.

Angie said...

Perhaps it is your home state. I had a friend in college who still to this day is one of the skinniest people I ever knew, exercised, and ate moderately but had ultra high cholesterol in her early 20s. Perhaps the sweet air there really contains HDL you absorbed by osmosis in your youth!

But doesn't the red wine sort of offset the rest of book club food? I think you just need to make sure you drink more next time!

Iron Needles said...

Ach. Sometimes it's just the genes. And sometimes all the exercise and diet doesn't do the trick...for that particular problem. Good food and exercise is ALWAYS good (and offsets moderate butter intake...balance in all things, I say).

Thats where the miracle of modern pharmaceuticals save lives. And they do. (Again...balance. My spouse's chol numbers are evidence.

Iron Needles said...

PS And thanks so much for your very kind comment over at my place!

LI Laura said...

Ohmygah! That is the cutest dog I have ever seen!

Cerwydwyn said...

Read up on Red Yeast Rice. The FDA tried to have it banned after it tests showed it to be as effective as some pharmaceuticals. It's an herbal supplement you can get at your health food store.

AnastasiaSpeaks said...

I think sometimes it is just genes. My husband is pretty fit and eats well and has high cholesterol, I don't get it but we keep trying to eat better, exercise etc.

What did you get it down last time? Do that again!

:)

you gotta wonder said...

You have my sympathy. It hardly seems fair, I know. I hate to tell you what happens after you turn 40! :|

Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect said...

So, the question is - are you going back to fake butter or sticking with the real stuff?

I like your title, by the way. I did that bit in an elevator with my boss last year. He didn't get it. It was embarrassing.

Dorrie said...

My friend tried the Red Yeast Rice but it didn't work for her so she is back on the meds. I think diet and exercise are the best.

BTW, I am in love with your dog. What a face.