I don't ask much. Really.

Today was supposed to be my first day back at Globotron after a week and a half off.

Supposed to.

See, I've been hunched over with the worst cramps. Like, I know it's totally TMI, but ohholyOprah, I am in so much pain.

So, after moaning my way through Tuesday, I decided I'd just work from home today. Except that the pain kept me awake for 3 hours in the middle of the night. By the time 6 a.m. rolled around, I sent a quick email explaining that I had a migraine and would try to log in later. Because you can't tell your male boss that your uterus is falling out of your body.

I'm so annoyed by this job and so dread going back that I didn't even feel bad about taking a sick day. I didn't even feel bad about using ladyproblems as an excuse for the first time since I tried to get out of P.E. in junior high.

So, I rolled over and slept until 11. At that point, I decided that the 1 thing that would make me feel good would be a steaming hot shower. Hot, hot, hot.

I slouched into the bathroom and turned on the water. And waited. And waited. And waited.

It never got hot.

I went down to the basement and discovered water dripping out of the bottom of our hot water heater, soaking various items in the basement.

You can see where this is going.

I never got my shower. And I never logged in to work. Instead, I coordinated getting our hot water heater replaced. This, despite the fact that I hadn't washed my hair in 5 days and my lady business was trying to kill me from the inside out.

The good news is that the HVAC guys who did a bunch of work for us this summer were able to come over quickly and get things moving. And when My Guy questioned the quote, my silence effectively told him that this was not a time to shop around, haggle, or otherwise mess with his poor, put-upon spouse.

The bad news is that it's almost 10 p.m. and we still don't have hot water. We're still waiting for the on-call night dude to come over, as the pilot light on our new water heater is very fickle, and won't stay lit long enough to actually heat any water.

You know who could really, really use a hot shower right about now? And who is trying really hard to be all flexible and in love with her body and all its cycles but really just wants to kill somebody?

Uh-huh.