Stop trying to crush my soul.

Oh, kids. Guess who reappeared in my life?

If you guessed Creepy Rajeev, you win a gallon of bad cologne!

Yes. Everybody’s favorite corporate close talker pinged me on LinkedIn.

It turns out that after the layoffs at Corporate Behemoth, Rajeev still hasn’t landed in a new spot. Honestly, I’m sure that’s rough, and I wouldn’t wish extended unemployment on anyone.

But if we’re being catty? I guess there aren’t a lot of openings for director of sexual harassment or chief undressing-with-eyes officer.

Yes, those are things.

The real kicker, though, is the title Creepy Rajeev listed on his profile: change leader in shared services improvement for performance excellence.

Yes. What the holy hell does that even mean?

That title perfectly encompasses everything that I find so repugnant about Corporate America. The scary thing is that I’ve been in Corporate America long enough that I can decipher the Corporateese. Basically, ol’ Creepy Rajeev is saying he pisses off people in IT and makes their departments run more efficiently ... more work with fewer people.

Yes, this is a thing.

But just because it’s a thing doesn’t mean I have to like it - or anything else about Corporate America.

I resigned from my gig at Globotron today.

I’ve been really down in the dumps. And bored. OhmyOprah, have I been bored. Like, can’t-even-pretend-to-have-something-to-do bored. The kind of bored that leaves you exhausted and incapable of doing anything after work except watch TV. We’re talking the bored that leaves you feeling atrophied as a human being. And depressed.

My poor husband. I’ve been kvetching about this for so long that he is damned well sick and tired of having the same conversation over and over again. He’s so sweet, he would never admit that, but I know it’s true.

So, we discussed. And discussed. And discussed some more. And I cried, and worried about being a burden, and the of-course-very-real fear that My Guy would find me to be a burden, fall for some hottie software developer at work, ditch boring ol’ unemployed me and then I would have to live in my Honda. With several dogs. One of which has supremely hideous gas right at this moment.

Now, besides the fact that my husband is a kind, generous soul, he also pointed out that he only works with dudes, and the term “hottie software developer” is an oxymoron.

We agreed that I would quit Globotron and finally acknowledge that Corporate America and I are so not meant to be together. I would go back to consulting - writing web and social media content for small businesses.

I decided that today - January 23, 2013 - would be the day that I stopped being afraid.

I tendered my resignation.

So far, the sky has not fallen. Although Big Doodle’s gastrointestinal distress might make you think otherwise, the world isn’t ending.

I promised my husband 3 things:

• I will stop being so unhappy. 
• I will not feel guilty for not having a traditional job. 
• I will not bring any more dogs into our household. 

I’m feeling fairly confident about most of these things.

So, today is the start of a new chapter. I gave my 2 weeks. I’m fantasizing about reorganizing my basement, shopping for groceries mid-day, and writing what I want to write.

I am thankful, somewhat in shock, and trying on this new confidence for size.