Thursday, May 7, 2009


Yesterday, the lovely Andi commented on my near-miss with the beagle: I promise to stay at two dogs if YOU promise to stay at two dogs. Anymore than that and we're on that slippery slope to Old Maid-ville.

Mmm ... Old Maid-ville. I don't know if I mind that cozy little town. The food is good, the pantyhose are nonexistent and I just might be living there anyway.

But Cha Cha - why?


Tonight I went out for a second date with the guy who begged me via text message to give him another chance.

He started out dinner by announcing that he had three very important questions for me. The first was about whether I thought love developed or if it was something you just knew right away. The second concerned my thoughts on whether or not my run of heartbreak was causing me to build up walls around my heart. And the third? I think it had to do with whether or not I was in love with Mr. Interwebnets. I don't remember.

Oh, Second Chance Guy. No, no, no. Keep it light! Keep it gay!

Then he told me about the three (yes, really, THREE) match dates he had last week - in detail. I think the point was to be all, "And none of them compared to you." But really? Really, it was more like The Love Connection if Chuck Woolery had been an actuary.

Dinner took more than two hours. We talked about movies. I tried, people. Really, I did.

He walked me to my car, and then asked if he could just ask me a favor: what did I think?

Sadly, the parking garage did not collapse right then. So I said, "I think you're great. But I think we're friends."

Which then led to a 10-minute conversation (one-sided) about how bummed he was, and how glad he was that I was honest, but really? Really, we weren't going to be friends. Because that's not the way it works. And he was just really bummed.

And I felt like a total evil wench.

We shook hands. He wished me luck. I drove off.

And when I got home, he'd sent me a text asking if I got home ok. I replied that I did, and thanked him for spending time with me.

Then, he responded with this text: I asked god last Saturday at about 5:15 to open ur heart 2 me and to lay his hands on our hearts if we are 2 be together. Minutes later u texted.

Dude. I can't kindly tell you that we aren't a love connection without you getting all biblical on me? Seriously?

I'm tempted to text back: God told me I can do better.

But I won't. Because I feel guilty that Second Chance Guy bought me dinner, only to get dissed. And really? Really, I am a nice person. I swear.


LaDue & Crew said...

Oh. My. God. Is he for real..? I mean, really? Give me his number... let me text him random messages from God... this could be fun!

Probably good you didn't text that back, but damn, I laughed my ass off!

itsjustme said...

I will pay you money to send the text God said you could do better. I almost peed on myself from laughing so hard.

OH, and NOT old maidville. It is BAMF single girl ville. There are a lot of us hanging out there, and it can really be quite fun : )

Cerwydwyn said...

LOL. At least now you know that he's not for you and you won't wonder if he could have possible been The One and you missed it.
He sounds weird and weirder.

Cyndi B. said...

Uh, yeah, not the guy for you.

I think you handled it beautifully.

Gretchen Hembree said...

Maybe you texted him back because he sent you like five without an answer! Helloooooo! I don't think that is God working there dude.

Congrats on learnign to not waste your time. :)

Anonymous said...

Um, I might have been one of the people who told you to give him another try. In which case, I must tell you this: don't ever listen to me, k? The guy's a whack job.

Iron Needles said...

Hey. Honesty and forthrightness is very, very good, and sometimes not easy.

To know that from the start, to be able to say that, that's good. And makes him lucky, to my thinking.

And what the heck, I have known people to take all sorts of timing/coincidences as god stuff. If it works for them, great. If it doesn't work for me? Well, it just doesn't.

jean said...

"God told me I could do better." OhMyGod. Hysterical.


I am laughing even though I know it wasn't funny at the time. You WILL laugh about it later. The heart knows. This guy acts like you have to just be downright mean to get it through to him.

Maybe he is one of those guys that can't stand taking no for an answer. Maybe telling him no just makes you that much more attractive. Ewwww... I feel bad because I was one of those that said give it another shot.

Your word verification is weird.

Unknown said...

At least you now know your first instinct was correct. It usually is. Hope you have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

Ouch. He just came off as so DESPERATE and NEEDY. Yes, keep it civil. You done good, girl.