Sunday, May 10, 2009

After the lovin'.

So, umm? I sort of had five dates in five days. I took Friday off. I had two dates today.

Being nice and pretending to be normal? It is exhausting.

Wednesday: Mexican with The Guy Who Looks Like Dubya. I figured this would be a one-off, but he was funny. Like, he completely surprised me with his sense of humor. He is 11 years older than I am, which seems sort of weird, but I guess it isn't. We're planning to go out again.

Thursday: Second Chance Guy. Ugh.

Friday: A day of rest. As God intended.

Saturday: Dinner with Mr. Interwebnets. I like him very much. And he scares the holy living bejesus out of me. Because he really, really likes me, says he thanks God for bringing me into his life and told me that he had a date with someone else planned the day after our first date - and cancelled, based on our first date.

We had A Talk.

This is the first time I've dated as an adult. Because really? I've only really dated two whole men since I was 22. 22! I was practically an embryo. So, I know that it's important for me to meet numerous people and date different types of people and do it all on my terms. Intellectually, I know this.

But emotionally? Emotionally, I'm all, "Mr. Interwebnets is going to be so upset. I'm not (fill in the blank) enough for him. Sure, he acts like he really likes me, but if he really gets to know me, he's so not going to like me at all."

So, we had A Talk and I told him that I am dating other people and I'm terrified and I haven't really dated as an adult and I need to do this. He said it was hard to hear, but it didn't change the way he felt about me, and that I should do whatever I needed to do. And he'd date other people, too.

He was very kind. And I feel ... incredibly broken. The Ex-Boyfriend Formerly Known as Mr. Wonderful and Ex-Ex really did a number on me. And I'm still allowing it to impact me. I believe this is known as being gun shy.

Sunday: I met Guy With Dogs to walk his two large labradoodles. We walked about four miles, which was crazy - I can't even walk Lil' Frankfurter for one mile without having to carry him. But large dogs? I felt somewhat liberated ... and also like we should start some sort of hauling service to take advantage of their brute strength.

Guy With Dogs is very funny and has kind eyes. And? Well, he figured that Foxie Doxie and Lil' Frankfurter didn't have their act together for Mother's Day. So, he brought me two pink roses as a Mother's Day gift from my dogs.

We'll be going out again.

Sunday #2: So, a random guy e-mailed me on match and mentioned - among other things - that he was going to see Englebert Humperdink in concert. When I didn't freak out, he invited me to join him.

Now, what sort of blogger would I be if I declined a first date - really, a blind date - at an Englebert Humperdink show? I would be a giant disappointment of a blogger. And your consternation would just be too much to bear.

So, I met Mr. Englebert Fan at a local casino tonight. We bought tickets and then ate at the buffet. This was my first casino buffet experience. Was it worth $25 a person? No, I dare say it was not. Not at all. Maybe if we'd camped out for several hours and actually ingested more than $2.13 in food.

Sorry. I'm from Iowa. We can make a casserole out of lint and make it taste like prime rib. I'm just sayin'.

After getting robbed at the buffet, we went to the concert. Our boy Englebert? I gotta say - he's got it going on. He's 73 and still has a great voice. His show was very Vegas.

I had asked Mr. Englebert Fan if he was a casual fan or a big fan. He's assured me he was a casual fan and just interested in seeing a living legend. And yet? And yet, after every song, Mr. Englebert Fan stood up and screamed "Niiiiiiice!" Then, he sat down and fist-bumped me.

Yes. I got fist-bumped at an Englebert Humperdink concert. I'm not making this up.

I started sort of spacing off (sorry, Englebert), thinking about how my family would react if I showed up with Mr. Englebert Guy and acted as though he hung the moon. My folks are nice people, but surely they would notice that when he spoke, Mr. Englebert Guy rolled his eyes. Like, for emphasis. Like, on every sentence. And surely my parents would pick up on the vibe I had at dinner when I had the sudden realization that the evening would be a lot more fun if Mr. Englebert Fan was my gay pal and not a date, and with that turtleneck he was sporting, it really wasn't that far off, now was it?

And then Englebert sang "After the lovin'" and I returned to Earth.

After the show, Mr. Englebert Fan raved and went on and on and on about the show and the (I admit it's true) incredible talents of Mr. Humperdink. There was more fist-bumping.

Then, we parted ways. He went to the men's room in lieu of escorting me to my car in the casino parking lot. Safety first, Englebert fans!

I got a voicemail from him a few minutes ago. He realized that I left with his ticket stub, and he likes to save such things, so would I please hang on to it for him? Thanks.

The things I do for you people.

Image courtesy of Google Images.


LaDue & Crew said...

I'd mail him the stub and just Englebert him out the door...

Wow, quite the pickin's this week! Sounds like some pretty good tales are on the horizon...

Eleven years older aint so bad... that still makes him younger than me ;-)

Mr Interwebnets. I dunno. I have a funny feeling in my tummy about him, and something says to steer clear. Of course, I'm like thousands of miles away, so it could just be the big 'ol steak I sunk my teeth into that's messing with the tummy.

Guy with dogs. Hmmmm... well, he has dogs. And nice eyes. I'm curious to see where this goes!

And because you are a Doxie mom, Happy Mother's Day, Cha Cha!

itsjustme said...

We appreciate your sacrifices for our amusement.

That is a lot of dating in a short time. No wonder you are tired.

You go girl!

Anonymous said...

Wow. I admire your fortitude--going on all of these dates, posting the outcome and sticking with it. You deserve a week of rest! The bonus of all these different men is that you can re-wear the same outfit over and over, right?

Unknown said...

I think 11 years is too big of a gap for a serious relationship. It might not seem like a big difference now by may over time. Speaking from experience here. Mr. Interwebnets sounds like a nice, honest person, but I think it is good that you are playing the dating game as long as you are enjoying yourself. Thanks for sharing with us.

Sara said...

Oh honey, I love you for going on the Englebert date. Now yes, please mail him the ticket or have it couriered over or something. Next!

I am intrigued by Dogs and Dubya. And I just realized that I had melded Second Chance Guy and Mr. Interwebnets into the same person. Give me a break - I'm old and you know a lot of boys.

Anyway, after reading back through old posts, I'm ambivalent about Mr Interwebnets. Does he have any distinguishing characteristics? Please share, because otherwise it's like you're dating Dick Gephardt.

I really do feel that Second Chance Guy sounds like the kind of guy who would cry on the news about how his wife disappeared while jogging, if you know what I mean.

But I'd know it was a lie because of the jogging. Next!


Oh what a treat...getting to experience your dating. Gawd. I would not do it again. But listening to your tales is quite interesting.

Englebert one would remember him except that it is possibly the most out there name ever. I mean it. I can't believe he is still performing.

Good luck on your dating. I think you have the right idea about dating. See what is out there.

Molly said...

Oh man, finally someone else in the online dating world. Good lord. You are a braver woman than I. 5 dates?