Brutal.

Yesterday, the lovely Andi commented on my near-miss with the beagle: I promise to stay at two dogs if YOU promise to stay at two dogs. Anymore than that and we're on that slippery slope to Old Maid-ville.

Mmm ... Old Maid-ville. I don't know if I mind that cozy little town. The food is good, the pantyhose are nonexistent and I just might be living there anyway.

But Cha Cha - why?

Sigh.

Tonight I went out for a second date with the guy who begged me via text message to give him another chance.

He started out dinner by announcing that he had three very important questions for me. The first was about whether I thought love developed or if it was something you just knew right away. The second concerned my thoughts on whether or not my run of heartbreak was causing me to build up walls around my heart. And the third? I think it had to do with whether or not I was in love with Mr. Interwebnets. I don't remember.

Oh, Second Chance Guy. No, no, no. Keep it light! Keep it gay!

Then he told me about the three (yes, really, THREE) match dates he had last week - in detail. I think the point was to be all, "And none of them compared to you." But really? Really, it was more like The Love Connection if Chuck Woolery had been an actuary.

Dinner took more than two hours. We talked about movies. I tried, people. Really, I did.

He walked me to my car, and then asked if he could just ask me a favor: what did I think?

Sadly, the parking garage did not collapse right then. So I said, "I think you're great. But I think we're friends."

Which then led to a 10-minute conversation (one-sided) about how bummed he was, and how glad he was that I was honest, but really? Really, we weren't going to be friends. Because that's not the way it works. And he was just really bummed.

And I felt like a total evil wench.

We shook hands. He wished me luck. I drove off.

And when I got home, he'd sent me a text asking if I got home ok. I replied that I did, and thanked him for spending time with me.

Then, he responded with this text: I asked god last Saturday at about 5:15 to open ur heart 2 me and to lay his hands on our hearts if we are 2 be together. Minutes later u texted.

Dude. I can't kindly tell you that we aren't a love connection without you getting all biblical on me? Seriously?

I'm tempted to text back: God told me I can do better.

But I won't. Because I feel guilty that Second Chance Guy bought me dinner, only to get dissed. And really? Really, I am a nice person. I swear.