Monday, May 25, 2009

Mom, Dad and match.com.

I showed my parents my match.com profile, and poked around the site to show them how it works. Some new guy had winked at me, so the three of us perused his profile.

First of all, he's 26.

Second of all, I sort of doubt we are a good match. His profile is ... unique. First of all, it broke my number one rule of match.com profiles: the guy posted a shirtless picture. Secondly, well, his approach to dating is a bit different from mine:

I'm looking for a good time. Don't bother messaging me if you're uptight or not looking for fun. I like to party and want to meet you. I have one piercing - it's below the waist. Just ask me and I'll tell you more.

Ooookay, then. Mom? Dad? Good thing you gave me a nice set of knives at Christmas so I don't have to get married. Ever.

In other news, Mr. Second Chance Guy has started texting me again.

First? You are my confidant. I'm bonking my head on the steering wheel after another bad date. I think I should give up.

Second, about a day later? Cha Cha, help? Do you have any single friends who are exactly identical to you who might be interested in me?

And finally, this afternoon? Can a guy get a third chance? Do u even give third chances? If u do, how does a guy get one? Can I buy one? I'll even pay extra.

Now, I haven't responded to any of these texts, and considering they are getting decidedly creepy, I'm not going to. Besides, my parents told me not to.

And now? Now, I'm watching an Indy 500 DVD with my dad, laughing hysterically at a home movie with Tony Kanaan. He's sneaking up on other drivers at a media event ... with a fart button. Hahaha.

Obviously, I am a very complex woman.

8 comments:

Dorrie said...

I think Shirtless Guy would probably expect you to pay to go out with him. And Second Chance Guy - I thing your parents are so right about him. Glad you are able to chill out this weekend and spend some quality time with your parents.

LaDue & Crew said...

I love your folks... they are so right on.

And yes, the texts are KA-reep-eee... Stay away!!!

Iron Needles said...

Ahhh...so much fun with Mom and Dad! Of course, I would have given my mother a heart attack with that.

Also, I am with the no 3rd chance.

Madge said...

mr. second chance guy is kind of creeping me out too. maybe you should start hanging out at the indy races -- now there's some dating potential

Jennifer VM said...

Mr. Second Chance should be renamed to Mr. Desperately Seeking Cha-Cha. And *snicker* about the piercing. If it makes you feel better, Laura just went out on a blind date with a Chippendale dancer. He talked about the gym nonstop and was massively insecure. Shocker, that one.

Mrs. G. said...

I'm reading this entire post as a message from the gods for you to become a lesbian. Holy hell!

Linda Crispell said...

Look on the positive side, he didn't post a pantless picture.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Cheers for your parents. Second chance guy does sound ick.