Thursday, May 14, 2009

Get your shit and get the eff out.

I am attempting to bake oatmeal cookies tonight.

It was a really, really bad idea.

I think I added too much flour. And of course I was attempting a double batch. So I threw some craisins in, hoping that would even things out a bit. And it didn't. And I'm so tired I don't even know if I care.

I'm tired because I got home at 2 a.m. this morning. My flight home from Boston took me through Milwaukee - which always makes me think of Alice Cooper in Wayne's World, being all "Mil-wau-KAY." Heh.

So, I had a stopover in MilwauKAY due to bad weather. We sat for an hour and a half. Then we taxied, basically doing donuts on the runway. Then it got really warm in the cabin, so they turned on the AC. Then the cabin got sort of ... smoky.

The plane taxied back to the gate, and one of the attendants got on the speaker. "Ladies and gentlemen, we're returned to the gate. As you may have noticed, when we turned on the air conditioning, a very, very small amount of white smoke filled the cabin. We'd like to get that checked out. At this time, we ask that you gather your belongings - JUST THE SMALL STUFF, DON'T GRAB THE BIG STUFF - and exit the plane AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. Thank you."

So much for grace under pressure. This woman was obviously freaking out.

So we deplaned. After about 20 minutes, they let us get back on the plane to grab, you know, the big stuff, and we were herded to another gate to await another plane. A plane that couldn't land on account of the weather.

Everything in the terminal was closed, including the nearest bathroom. And there was a long line in front of the two vending machines at the other end of the terminal. Oh, MilwauKAY - nobody loves me like you do. Except maybe Cleveland.

So, basically, my flight finally took off at 11:45 and there was crazy turbulence. When we finally landed, I found myself falling out like an old church lady. Oh, thank you, thank you, sweet eight-pound, five-ounce baby Jesus. Thank you.

Today, I am rocking my glasses, huge bags under my eyes, and a rather sour attitude. Since I'm not firing on all cylinders, I also completely spaced a meeting with my boss and evidently zombied my way through a good part of the day, as is evidenced by this e-mail:

Cha Cha-

Saw you at Chipotle today. How's it going?

Ex-Ex

Sonofbitchshit. Of course, the one day I look and feel like ass is the day I run into Ex-Ex. Of course, he recently shaved his head for charity and now looks like Bull from Night Court - which I know because he sent me a photo (Umm? Why?). So, a) no wonder I didn't recognize him in my delirium; and b) I probably shouldn't be the one worrying about looking like a dork.

I'm going to bed now. But first, I want to remind you to haiku it up for fun and fabulous prizes! Don't forget to submit your "Gee, I'm so glad I'm not 13 anymore" haiku for a chance to win prizes that I promise are even cooler than the Lurlene McDaniel book I mentioned. Seriously. Cool. Prizes.

I'm so tired. Ohmygod.

3 comments:

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

both ex ex and milwaukee love you--that is so sweet.

backstabbing, pretty,
two-faced, flattering, cunning
popular girls ruled

Dorrie said...

Have a wonderful birthday! Hope you get some rest today so you can celebrate in style this weekend.

Andi said...

See, that's why I couldn't be a flight attendant. Because I'd be all "WE'RE ON FIRE" and pushing people out of the way to get to the exit like George Costanza.

Glad you survived your travel. I'll send you some oatmeal craisin cookies if you want!