Monday, July 20, 2009


Potpourri for $200
My parents were here this weekend. Listen to me when I tell you that you have not lived until you've worn a skirt in a car with air-conditioned seats.

I'm just sayin'.

Potpourri for $400
Creepy Stalker Guy texted me again tonight: Cha Cha, do you still go to Happy Hippie Church? Creepy Stalker Guy

So, lemme get this straight. You can't get me to reply to any of your messages about dating, or about help dating other people, or about the fact that I'm not replying to any of your messages. So you think you'll ask me about church in the hopes that I'll feel guilty not responding to questions about God?

Like I said, God told me I could do better. Back the fuck off.

Potpourri for $600
Last night, as I left my house to meet Guy I've Been E-mailing, I realized that I would rather be headed out to Target than to a first date. But Guy I've Been E-mailing was really funny and we had a great time.

However, he told me that he has his kids next weekend and invited me over to watch Spongebob with the tribe as our second date.

Dude. Although you said you get along well with your ex-wife, I still immediately thought back to the good times of Ex-Wonderful's ex-wife pretending I was invisible. Second date? Too soon for the kidlets. Again, just sayin'.

Potpourri for $800
I have been buried in mind-numbing, blinding editing. And so, today I decided to entertain myself by choosing possible heavy metal band names out of the headlines on All of these are bits and pieces of real headlines from today. Which one do you think is the best band name? I want the debut album to be called "Pick it 'til it bleeds."

Scorched Kitty
Bludgeoned to Death
Rich and Single
Karachi Kills
Witness to an Execution
Get Testy
Why Your Feet Hurt

And, of course, the hands-down winner: Life-Sized Astronaut Made of Cheese

Potpourri for $1000
I don't like to brag, but I have to be honest.

Tomorrow? I'm going to see Cheap Trick, Def Leppard and ... Poison. Poison, featuring Bret Michaels.

Now, I'm going with Guy With Two Dogs. And he totally understands that he could very well have to find his own way home, as there's a very real possibility that Bret will announce to the crowd that he knows he made a huge mistake choosing his Rock of Love, right? And he'll call me out - because he'll see me, even though I'll be sitting in the nosebleed section - and he'll announce to the entire arena - nay, the entire world - that I am his true Rock of Love. Because chicks who wear Lucite heels are overrated.

So, if I don't blog tomorrow, you'll know why. But don't worry - I'll update as soon as I can. I'm sure the tour bus has wifi.


LaDue & Crew said...

You never cease to crack me up! I heart you...

mel said...

Scorched Kitty or Witness to an Execution for sure. Wait, no, probably WtaE is my fav...and it has nothing to do with the fact that I've been up since 4AM and that I would like to execute myself or someone else. I think it just has a ring to it.

Guy with Two Dogs sounds like a great date! Agreed, would maybe be a little early for the kiddos too, if I were in that position.

Patti said...

I have that same fantasy with Ben Folds. I have told my husband for years that when Ben looks out onto the crowd and sees me and calls me to the stage, I am gone. I told people for years that I would be Mrs Ben Folds #4, and ironically, when Ben left wife #3, he married his yoga teacher. Damn my crummy timing!

And, too early for the kids. what is he thinking?
Scorched Kitty - Pick it till it bleeds.

Iron Needles said...

I have to ask...did Creepy Stalker Guy sign his text as Creepy Stalker Guy?

That would be so great!

Angie said...

I'm so jealous! Poison was my absolute favorite high school concert and I listened to that cassette endlessly. Off to pour some sugar on myself (ok my coffee) and trim my thorny rose bushes. Rock on!!!!

Sara said...

Maaan, that great conversation yesterday and I didn't even make the potpourri list? Because it's all about me.

I can't decide if I love or hate Scorched Kitty. But I'm reminded of some of our suggested band names from high school...Psychotic Bambi...Dented Barbie Boobs...Spiked Rectal Thermometer

Say hi to Bret for me!

Anonymous said...

Have fun! Wear protection! Don't get into a catfight with any of the rest of Bret's harem/groupies!

Anonymous said...

Oh, so much to say about this post. Where do I begin?

1. I have air-conditioned seats and I considered it my own personal secret when I wore skirts. Now the world knows why I wear a smile when I drive. Thanks.

B. I was originally a fan of CSG until he got creepy. Now he's SCARY creepy. Have you considered changing your cell number? It's a lot easier than getting a restraining order.

III. Good for you! A second date is too soon for you to meet the kids, but WAAAAY too soon for them to meet Dad's new girlfriend.

4th. My original answer was Witness to An Execution, but after reading your comments, I think I'm going to go with Spiked Rectal Thermometer. Because that's how I roll.

Last. Back when I was younger, thinner and generally more firm in the boob region, I had an obsession with Def Leppard and would follow them around the Great Lakes area getting backstage at their concerts by showing said firm boobies to the roadies. If you happen to meet them, tell them Andi says "Hey!" They'll remember me. LOL