Sunday, November 30, 2008

Exhausted ramblings. But I'm here.

So, Foxie Doxie and I are back home. He's attached to my hip, and really? Really, that's just fine. I want to carry him around in my pocket. Except that he's too big. And he tends to squirm.

I have been rather authentic this weekend. Which is a nice way of saying I've been walking around crying and saying, "I'm just so saaaaad!"

And yes, I'm great fun at parties.

But I had a bit of an epiphany: I'm here.

I lost Mr. Wonderful. I lost his daughter The Ladybug. I lost the Geriatric Poodle. But I'm here. I am surviving. I'm here.

The Ex-boyfriend Formerly Known as Mr. Wonderful displayed traits that tell me he isn't the partner for me. I was a positive influence in The Ladybug's life while I was in her life. And the Geriatric Poodle is now finally at peace - he can see and hear and run and chase squirrels and pee on everything.

And I'm here.

So, fuck it. These things come in threes, so I've filled my quota of Shitty Stuff. And I'm still here, and if you want to ruin my life, you're going to have to try harder and also come back later. I gave at the office.

Also? I am feeling empowered because I have a new laptop. She is chocolate brown and I have named her Godiva. Obviously, the world is my oyster.

But oyster or no, I am also emotionally and physically exhausted from filling my Shit Quota. So, I'm still here, but for the time being, I'm still here ... in bed. But because I have a new laptop? I can do these things.

13 comments:

you gotta wonder said...

There, there.... plenty of shoulders to cry on. Know that you are loved. Help Foxie mourn also.

When you're feeling a wee bit better, the geek in me wants to know more about the laptop....

LaDue & Crew said...

I'm glad you are giving anymore donations. It's your turn to be on the receiving end; the lottery will be yours, soon.

Godiva, it's gonna be a good thing...

ZenCrafter said...

Hi, Cha Cha. I'm just catching up on my blog reading after a long hiatus, and I'm so sorry about Geriatric Poodle. What a cutie he was, and a character. He will be missed by your readers, that's for sure.

I'd say defiance is a pretty good attitude to have at the moment, given what you've gone through this fall. It'll get you through. It will. We're all pulling for you, girl.

K said...

I can say that I know just "being here" is not the greatest feeling in the world. I am feeling that way too right now and I do not know how to change it. I know you feel alone and really sad right now but things will get better. You are too good of a person to stay in such a sad place. I hope Foxie Doxie can give you some comfort.

AnastasiaSpeaks said...

You ARE here and we're so happy for it.

I love that you named your laptop. I've got to do that too!

:)

Mrs. G. said...

My laptop changed my life. I hope it changes yours too.

Jesus, 2009 need to get on up in here fast.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Congrats on the new laptop. I think you've DEFINITELY had your fill of misery for a long while. Here's to nothing but good things.

andij1967 said...

"And I'm here".

I love that line. It is good to remember that sometimes, surviving is all you need to do. Nobody says you have to do it gracefully.

Thanks for the reminder!

cndymkr / jean said...

Well, Godiva is possibly the best name ever! And after the recent hard times you are in need of all the chocolate you can handle.

distracted by shiny objects said...

I'm going to paraphrase here because I can't find the exact quote..."Strength isn't being able to stand up to anything, but being able to crawl on your belly a long, long way until you can stand up again." You take all the time you need and gather your strength.

SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE said...

I like the name of your new computer for obvious reasons. Maybe now you will have good things happen in threes.

Madge said...

Ok. I have been absent and didn't realize Geriatric Poodle passed away. So so sorry. you have been through it girl. you are one of those bloggers i wonder about when i'm not getting any blog reading done -- and now i know... so sorry.

Claire B. said...

I heart you because you say "fuck it."