Monday, April 20, 2009

I keep it in perspective.

I'm wallowing a bit.

I drove 40 minutes to Far Southern Suburb to hang out with Mr. Interwebnets yesterday. I live in a small post-war suburb that's exactly 12 minutes from downtown. I'm not all Urban Hipster. But when the driving directions include four different highways and miles and miles of farmland? I get a little itchy.

Mr. Interwebnets and I had a nice time - Chinese food and a movie. But on that long, dark drive home, when I felt like the only car on the highway? I felt so totally alone.

I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe that I'm almost 34 and I'm driving to BFE in the hopes of finding happiness with a man I met on the Internet. I can't believe I'm here again.

I'm exhausted.

I love my life. I have great friends, a wonderful family, a nice little house, a job I enjoy. But I still can't quite believe that I'm here ... alone. I'm glad that I didn't get married the weekend after college graduation ... or the weekend after high school graduation, for that matter, because I did grow up in that town. I'm glad I've had time to figure me out.

But I'm just amazed. And lonely. And know that in wallowing, I'm not focusing on the really good stuff, like how I had cereal and chocolate chip cookies for dinner because ah-ha! I live alone! And in the past, I have missed alone time when I suddenly wasn't alone anymore.

But right now? Right now, I feel like the only single woman in the history of the universe.

However, the serious illness of an important scientist did make me laugh and laugh today.

No, not his actual illness - more like my illiteracy.

CNN.com reported today:

Scientist and author Stephen Hawking is "very ill" and has been hospitalized, according to Cambridge University, where he is a professor ... Hawking, one of the world's most famous physicists, is also a cosmologist, astronomer, and mathematician.

Stephen Hawking is a cosmetologist? Like, OMG! I had no idea. I bet his hair designs are totally cutting edge.

And, with that, let's all say a prayer for the poor man who has been living with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) for 40 years. Which is, let's be honest, worse than being single in your 30s.

7 comments:

dallasdiva said...

Oh dear. 40 minutes is reaalllyyy far. What date # are you on? Is he worth the effort? Cause as you know, I am quick on the draw to end things, and I have the perfect email for it.

Remember, you are not alone. I am here with you (Not sure that actually will make you feel better, but I'm here for you baby!)

Lots of things worse than being single. . . married and miserable comes to mind immediately.

LaDue & Crew said...

I wish I could say I had found a really good special on men, on aisle 7, top shelf, of your favorite grocery store. But I can't. "He" is just gonna happen when you least expect it. I believe that. Dallas Diva is right. I've done the miserable before- you need to just enjoy that cereal and chocolate chip cookie... hope they weren't dust. Or green. Or hockey pucks.

you gotta wonder said...

Keep the faith, Cha Cha. Be yourself. I'm almost 24 years into my marriage and as much as I love my hubby, there are times when I wonder how I got here. I was planning to never marry. No kids either (but don't tell my kids that).

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

That is a lot of driving alone. You need to keep this in perspective--if it didn't feel like a long ride TO him, that says something.

Iron Needles said...

I love having cold cereal and chocolate chip cookies for dinner. I think since the hub is out for the eve, that is exactly what I am going to have. I may not even bake the cookies...

Gretchen said...

We love ya lots. I think everyone, no matter their lot in life has the same thoughts, just from a different perspective. I still struggle to find happiness with the decisions and paths my life has taken.

We do have our health! And more good than bad. My Uncle passed from ALS. He suffered for less than a decade if I recall. (He has been gone about 13 years or so.) 40 years would be unbearable!

Sandee B said...

I think you need to make these guys work a little harder to meet YOU! At least 1/2 way! Cause your worth it and it's just darn gentlemanly! (sorry, I'm sitting in jury duty; I've got nothing better to do than offer my unsolicited opinion from my phone! :)