Last night, it was Sabrina and a Cadbury creme egg. Tonight? Skittles and ... a made-for Hallmark-TV movie starring ... Jaclyn Smith.
Except! Except a good-looking guy just came on the scene, and a quick imdb.com search shows that it's none other than C. Thomas Howell.
Work with me. I'm trying to pretend C. Thomas makes my watching the Hallmark channel a little less lame.
But really? It's lame. Laaaaaaame. Especially since I started watching The Jaclyn Show because I was watching The Golden Girls before that. Again, on the Hallmark channel.
I'm scared.
Yeah, I'm scared of accidentally turning 70 when I'm not paying attention. But mostly? Mostly I'm scared of ... everything.
Online dating is scary. Meeting new people is scary. Opening myself up means setting myself up for rejection. I'm scared of not being good enough. Of not being whatever enough.
And I'm scared of being invisible.
I got called Dorothy at Corporate Behemoth today. In a fit of inspired passive aggression, I wrote on my wipe board:
Hello! My name is ... Cha Cha
Number of times I've been called Dorothy since 4/15/09: I
Number of times I've been called Zsa Zsa since 4/15/09: I
At least Jaclyn never calls me by the wrong name. She loves me just the way I am!
And, I swear I'm sober. I'm just tired. Really, really tired.
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5 comments:
Don't worry dear Cha Cha, we're all scared.
You're doing the right thing, being out there, dating, being vulnerable.
Before you know it, you'll find the right one.
Repeat after me:
I am amazing
I am beautiful
I am intelligent
I am worth the wait
When you least expect it, truly, it will happen.
Did you ever volunteer anywhere..?
You sound like you need a vacation. But not to Mexico, okay?
I love the Hallmark channel. When there is nothing else on but you really need to veg in front of the TV, you can always count on it to have some mindless program on that provides some entertainment but doesn't require a lot of thinking. And now, they have The Golden Girls.
i'm so tired of being scared. scared of being a mom, scared at my job, scared scared scared.
c. thomas howell -- please save me now.
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