Friday, January 2, 2009

Here I go again on my own.

For the last five days, I have been luxuriating in the glory of vh1's 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs.

Yes, I love those stupid compilation shows. I can't help it. My people are a simple people.

But this one is great, because in addition to showing clips and talking about where the bands are now, they also interview people who really know what they're talking about. If the guys from Judas Priest say that somebody is a hell of a rocker ... well, who am I to disagree?

I've had two favorite moments in this five-hour odyssey of awesome. The first was Iggy Pop saying that in the beginning of The Stooges, if he was nervous before a show, he'd think he needed 20 white Russians to calm down. Now, if he's nervous before a show, he thinks he needs to do Tai Chi.


The other great moment was realizing that Ronnie James Dio, he of Rainbow, Black Sabbath and Dio, the guy whose very visage creeps me out and always makes me think he's going to show up in a black cloak, croaking, "I've come to collect the children" ... that guy?
He's only 5'4"!

Or, as Chris Jericho described him, he's got the voice of a rock god coming out of the body of Carla from Cheers.


The problem with the 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs is that while I've enjoyed it so much that I've watched each episode multiple times ... I can't help but think about how much fun Mr. Wonderful and I would have had watching it together.

We would have laughed and debated the choices and enjoyed all the random, useless trivia.

It's just a continuation of a little voice whispering in my ear last week. I wondered how he spent the holidays. I wondered what Santa brought for The Ladybug. I wondered if they wonder about me at all.

I miss them. And I'm sad.

And watching and rewatching shows about slick guitar riffs and tight pants brings me both joy and pain.

One of my sweet friends gave me a Louise Hay day-by-day calendar. Today's entry is "The past is over and done. I release it with love - blessing every person, place, and experience. I welcome the new."

Which is lovely. But my first impulse when I read it this morning was, "Dammit. Not today." Because while I know it's good and right in theory? In practice? It's difficult. Because releasing the past leaves me even more alone.

I know it also makes me more agile and able to move forward. I'm trying.


LaDue & Crew said...

He's only 5'4"..?! Oh, yuck! Short dudes creep me out, especially him!

That's it- It's time for me to kick ex- Mr Wonderful's ass... he is still an oxygen thought thief. Me & the Pinot Noir grew some cahuna's tonight- ex Mr W is in the wrong thought at the wrong time... he better tread elsewhere!

Rebecca said...

As hard as we try to keep those thoughts out of our mind, it's just natural that they come creeping in once in a while and hurt our hearts.

But don't worry, there will come a time when the thought or memory of him won't hurt your heart because your life will be filled with the love of another.

BTW, I love those compilations too!

Madge said...

you are doing so good. just admitting you are feeling that way has to be healthy....

you gotta wonder said...

Stay strong. I know better days are ahead.

Iron Needles said...

Saw a reference to you during your breakup at Derfwad. One of the few times I commented at her place. Just stopped in recently here though. 1st I enjoy your way with words. 2nd its a journey. I grew through getting dumped after a very long marriage for a much younger bimbo. I. was. a. mess. Learned some great lessons for it all. I am just saying it can be done. It takes some slogging through the mud and feeling some pain, but there can be an end.

Anonymous said...

RJD has always creeped me out, too, but now whenever I see him, I will think "CARLA!!!" and totally laugh my ass off. He has lost his creepy mind-wave power over me.

You know, I've decided that the only guys who grow up to be rock stars are skinny, short, ugly and have bad breath. They become rock stars because it's the only way they'll ever get laid. Amiright?

Claire B. said...

Oh, honey, don't make me cry. Not about Mr. W., about the VH1 compilation that I missed! Gee do you think it will run again??

And about Mr. W. Keep writing and thinking and working it out. Oh, and drink copius amounts of whatever beverage gets you through the day, I mean night.

You are not as alone as you think.

Gretchen Hembree said...

I have had this song in my head for 24 hours!!! I walked out of church wondering why. Now I remember that is was your blog title for the day. Darn you ChaCha!!!!!

hope505 said...

I <3 Louise Hay!! Right on!!

Tumble Fish Studio said...

I know you don't want to hear it necessarily, but there will be a time when you can finally let go of what's already gone. That's hard for most of us to do, to let go of what's already gone, and that's where our struggle comes in. We fervently an illogically try to hold onto something already beyond our grasp as it fades away with all that yesterday was - we prize it, try to keep it front and center in our memories and relive every drop of it. It's natural and we all do it. I love you Cha Cha.